Let's Talk about Singleness

Here's my review, if you're interested.

One of the best books I've read so far this year is Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must be Reinvented in Today's Church. Here's why I liked it: No other book that I've read does a better job laying out the assumptions, many of them in error, we make about singleness and calling for a more truthful, healthier perspective towards singleness. 

This is part of why I am starting this blog: I want to figure out what that truthful, healthy perspective looks like - and, more importantly, how we act on it in real life. Yes, Singled Out starts in this direction. But there's so much more to be said. There's so much to say. The topic of singleness is like a brand-new colouring book, with only the first few pages filled in. Let's fill in a few more, in all the vivid colour of real stories, real details, and boots-on-the-ground practicality.

So for example, here's an idea from Singled Out which I would like to unpack in this blog. The writers do not advocate pretending we aren't lonely, that we're "content" (coincidentally, the stage that some people believe we have to reach before God will bless us with a spouse.) They write, "We are not asking God to remove the pain of incompleteness that we all must struggle with, but rather we are asking Him to use this pain precisely as it was intended: to draw us closer to him and to help create the empathy that allows us to be witnesses for him in the rest of the world." 

I love their honesty, but (like always!) I have questions. Julian of Norwich writes that sin is but a good desire bent away from God; redemption, when desire draws us near him again. Could the desire for companionship be considered a "bent" desire for God? How may it be bent still further, and how may God "unbend" that desire to tug us back towards Him? Can we help the unbending process along? In what ways can we use our loneliness to bless others? 

Here's something else I'd like to unpack: As Singled Out points out, "Paul never says that single adults have more time," only that "the married have divided interests." In fact, "older singles in particular" may well have schedules as jam-packed as married couples. This is true, at least in my experience. But I do wonder, even though my time may not be as free, what does an undivided interest in Christ look like, in my case for a single woman living in the United States? Do I divide my interests in ways in ways that are counterproductive to the purpose of singleness? When my interest is undivided, how can I use it productively?

There are so many more questions to be answered, not only about how I act as a single but also, equally important, about how married people think about singleness, and act towards singles. This is one reason I started this blog: I want to ask these questions, and maybe if I'm very lucky, answer them. 

At this point, I'm hoping for a new post on singleness every week or two weeks (the blog will tackle other subjects in the meantime). At first, I'll write mostly from my experience and thoughts, but as time goes on, I'd like to talk about what my single and married friends tell me about their experiences, and possibly even host a guest post or two. Please let me know if there's a topic you'd be interested in hearing about, or if you'd like to write a guest post.

Buckle your seat belt! It's going to be an exciting ride!